什么是情绪否定
What is Emotional Invalidation
情绪无效是指一个人的想法和感觉被拒绝、忽视或批判。否定对任何人来说都是令人沮丧的，但对那些情感敏感的人来说尤其带伤害。
Emotional invalidation is when a person’s thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged. Invalidation is frustrating for anyone, but particularly hurtful for someone who is emotionally sensitive.
你的感觉是有效的
Your feelings are valid
情绪有着重要的作用，不应该被忽视。例如，感到生气、害怕或悲伤会告诉你有事不对劲。你不想错过这些重要的信息，因为它们可以帮助你照顾好自己，并做出保证安全性的决定。
感觉没有对错。它们反映了你的想法、经历和认知，这就是为什么两个人可以有相同的经历，但感觉不同。
同样重要的是，认可 - 说某人的感受是可接受的或有价值的 - 并不等于同意他们的感受。我们当然可以有不同的感受，亦要努力去理解和同情我们所爱的人。
Emotions serve an important purpose and shouldn’t be ignored. For example, feeling angry, afraid, or sad tells you that something’s wrong. You don’t want to miss these crucial pieces of information because they can help you to take care of yourself and make decisions to keep safe.
Feelings aren’t right or wrong.They are a reflection of your thoughts, experiences, and perceptions, which is why two people can have the same experience, but feel differently about it.
It’s also important to note that validation – saying that someone’s feelings are acceptable or worthwhile – isn’t the same as agreeing with their feelings. We can certainly feel differently and should make the effort to try to understand and empathize with our loved one’s feelings.
否定性的言论
Invalidating remarks
最常见的无效化形式包括责备、判断、否认和贬低你的感受或经历。无效宣告听起来像这样：
The most common forms of invalidation include blaming, judging, denying, and minimizing your feelings or experiences. Invalidation might sound something like this:
· 我肯定情况没那么糟 I’m sure it wasn’t that bad
· 你太敏感了 You’re overly sensitive
· 你不应该生气（或其他任何感觉） You shouldn’t be angry (or any other feelings)
· 什么事情都小题大做 You make a big deal out of everything
· 别再瞎编了 Stop making things up
· 你可能误解了 You probably misunderstood
· 没有什么可生气的！That’s nothing to get upset about!
否定也可以是非语言的：翻白眼、忽略、玩手机、离开现场等。
Invalidation can also be non-verbal: rolling your eyes, ignoring, playing on your phone, leaving the room etc.
当你的感觉被否定时该怎么办
What to do when your feelings are invalidated
当你的感受被贬低或否认时，很自然地你会想要为自己辩护或反击，并在情感上伤害作恶者。这是可以理解的，但很少有帮助。在决定如何应对否定之前，先问自己几个问题：
When your feelings are minimized or denied, it’s natural to want to defend yourself or to strike back and emotionally wound the perpetrator. Before deciding how to respond to invalidation, ask yourself a few questions:
· 你与此人关系密切吗？ Are you close to this person?
· 他们的意见重要吗？ Does their opinion matter?
· 帮助他们理解你的感受是一种善用时间和精力的方式吗? Is it a good use of your time and energy to help them understand your feelings?
· 此人是否有否定你的感觉的习惯？ Does this person have a habit of invalidating your feelings?
有时候，试图让别人理解你的感受是不值得的。一般来说，你和某人的关系越亲密，他们就越需要理解你的感受。
然而，你必须现实地看待其他人的能力。如果这个人否定你的感觉，并且没有兴趣或动机去改变，你需要采取措施来保持距离和保护自己。
你可能想要平静地，没有责备地表达你的不被认同。同样，关键不在于陷入谁对谁错的争论中，而是设定一个界限，说明你希望如何被对待，如果你的需要得不到尊重，就离开这个局面。
Sometimes, it’s not worth trying to get someone to understand your feelings. Generally, the closer the relationship you have with someone, the more important it is for them to understand your feelings.
However, you have to be realistic about other people’s capabilities to do so. If this person repeatedly invalidates your feelings and isn’t interested or motivated to change, you need to take steps to distance and protect yourself.
You may want to calmly and without blame state that you feel invalidated. The key, again, is not to get drawn into a debate about who is right or wrong, but to set a boundary that states how you want to be treated and to leave the situation if your needs aren’t respected.
重要的是你知道自己感觉是有效的，不管别人怎么想。你是唯一一个可以验证你的感受并认为它们是可被接受的。
The important thing is that you know your feelings are valid regardless of what others think. You are the only one who can validate your feelings and deem them acceptable.